Feeling down

I'm sitting here feeling blue and I decided to write my next installment of my blog. I am still on my journey because I'm not giving up. Just feeling like I'm letting my boys down because I am struggling so much just to provide for them now. It's just a new set of worrying and some days I just want to eat my problems away. That is unhealthy so I'm trying to just write how I feel. I'm here to say it's not easy living off an income once a month when you are so used to working and being able to provide for them. It's hard telling them you can't get this or that because I'm budgeting how I'm going to buy groceries for the rest of the month. I know they understand but to me I feel like I'm letting them down. I just feel like I'm in a backward spiral from where I was just three or four years ago. I'm blessed that I get to be a stay at home mom but I really wish I was back on the work force. I really don't have anyone to talk to that really understands me. It's just like I'm lonely all the time. I do go out and do my daily walks and Zumba. I also volunteer at the library twice a week. I'm in college online so when I finish, maybe this will be a start of something new in my life. My oldest has his first part time job and I'm so proud of him. When I started this blog, it was to help me with my weight loss journey. I never realized that I was inspiring so many people in various ways. I have had many of my friends tell me how my blogs and posts have helped and encourage them. I'm going to keep on keeping on because I will overcome all the obstacles that are in my way. Not giving up even though sometimes I want to. Especially when you do all you can for others and they don't appreciate it. Or when you are constantly feel like you don't even matter. That you feel like the only reason that people want to be around you when you have a little bit of money and then the rest of time look down at you because you don't have. But you know, I will be back and stronger than ever. I just have to weather the storm. I just want my boys to be proud of me and I just want them to know that I love them both the same. I hope they don't feel like I have a favorite because that is how I have been feeling all my life. Until then, I am just going to concentrate on getting healthy and working on me. Because I have to continue to love me first and foremost so that I can be happy and free.