I haven't written in this blog since 2015 and life happened to where I have forgotten that I had this blog until today. So many things have happened in my life since I starting the blog. I first started it because I was looking for a way to document my weight loss journey that I was on at the time. I'm still on my journey to better health with the help of an amazing doctor. I am going to use this blog as a way to express my thoughts and feelings as well as my weight loss journey or as I call it my healthier lifestyle.
On New Year's Eve, I got the news that my father had passed. I was and still am in a state of shock as I'm trying to process it all. Although, I didn't see my dad often, I would call him on Father's Day and his birthday, or I would call him just because I wanted to hear his voice. In 2018, we reconnected when he was in the hospital and I surprised him with a visit. He was so happy to see me and we talked and laughed. When I was younger, I always thought that my dad loved my brother more than me but that wasn't the case. He told me that he loved me but differently from my brother. I can still remember the conversation because he brought it up. I finally understood what he was talking about because of the two young men that I have. That didn't diminish the love that he had for me and the love that I had and will always have for him.
As my dad health declined, I didn't go see him like I should have and that is what's hurting me the most right now as I am grieving. The pain that I'm feeling is deep. I haven't has a decent night of rest since his passing. I thought I would have had more time to say my goodbyes or I was hoping and that he praying would beat his illness. I know God makes no mistakes and I know in my heart that my dad was weary. I will always cherish my memories of my dad and remember all of the good times. I will cherish the wisdom that he handed out when I saw or spoke with him.
I will be saying my final goodbyes to my dad this weekend. I don't know how I will handle it. I'm still processing the feelings that I have. I do know that's it's going to take me a long time to get over this loss. Just knowing that I won't be able to just pick up the phone to call him just to hear his voice or just to surprise him with a visit is going be hard deal with. I know that I will have some good and bad days in the future.
To my dad, Rest Easy because your oldest daughter misses you so much. I wish you were still here but God needed you more. I will always love you and you are always in my heart. I know that you will be an angel watching over me and the rest of my sisters and brothers.
