Reflection Sunday

As I'm sitting here thinking and reflecting I have often wondered about why I can't find a man to have a meaningful relationship with. I have ask the question if there is something wrong with me. I know my worth and I have just had some bad relationships in the past. I had some one ask me a while ago the reason that I was on my weight loss journey. Was I trying to slim down to find a man. The answer was no that I'm losing it for myself and my health. But in the back of my mind I have always wondered if it had been my weight that have kept me from having any type of relationship. To me the answer is yes because of no fault of my own and my belief of trusting, in my past relationships I have been the other woman when to my thinking I was the only one. This has led me to have many heartbreaks in the course of my growing up. Maybe it had something to do with my self esteem which at time even now that I am growing my confidence. Often I wonder have I met Mr. Right and I didn't know it and he past me by. 

I am waiting this time around because I have been hurt and too trusting at times when in relationships. Knowing what I know now and reflecting on it deeply, what may have felt like a relationship to me was not what it meant to them. It meant to them I believe that they sensed I had self esteem issues that I was easy to use to their advantage until they didn't need me anymore or I wasn't of any use to them anymore. It's a wonderful thing I'm finding out going on this journey. Yes I still believe in true love because I have seen many examples of it even if I haven't had the experience of it yet.  I feel one day that I will experience it. I know I have a lot to offer and I know I'm worthy of so much more than what I have had in the past. But until I do, I refuse to settle for less than I deserve. Here I am about to turn 43 in a few months and I haven't experienced true love. I know when I finally do, I won't let it pass me by.