Merry Christmas

i just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! I was just sitting here reflecting on all I have accomplished and I am so proud of myself!! I have to admit it feels good. I still have a long ways to go but I'm up for the challenge. The Devil tried to steal my joy last night and I just felt like I wanted to go back to old eating habits. I had someone close to me say a very hurtful thing last night. It really made me feel some type of way and very sad on the inside. I tried not to let bother me but it does. Because I do all I can to provide for this person. I always make sure this person have and I go without. I never imagine this person would say that to me. As I am sitting here typing this I am in tears. Last night was the toughest night of my life as a single parent. I'm here trying to be both parents because your father quit stepping up to the plate. But you know what I'm still standing and I will not let anyone steal my joy. I just had to do this blog today because I didn't want these negative feelings on my mind and heart. So I am going to enjoy this day and take my walk later. Most importantly I'm going to be happy and continuing working on me and reaching my goals.

Being Me

Being Me has come with a lot of changes this past year. I am so proud of what I have accomplished so far. I know I haven't been blogging for a while. I just didn't want to bore anyone. I am proud to say that I have started college back online. So far I am doing great in the first class that I am taking. Hoping this journey will be as successful as my weight loss journey.  I had a setback when I went for my post op appointment.  I gained four pounds of what I lost back. I was bummed but I am not going to let that stop me. I am in it to win it. When I get to where I want to be, I am going to celebrate. I celebrate each pound I have lost. I am still walking and doing Zumba. Going to start back at the gym either Tom or Tuesday. I can tell the difference with my loss and I love what I see. I'm still a work in progress  in every aspect of my life. I'm working on me and loving what I am learning. For so long I though the reason that I wasn't in a steady relationship was because of my weight. Because the ones that I was in, they either used me, abused me or cheated on me. But now, I know they weren't a good relationships. They were toxic to me. You see I still believe in love and romance. I know that one day God is going to send that right person that is worthy of me.  So until them focusing on me is my goal because right now I'm not ready. I'm going to continue learning the new me and be the best woman and mom that I can be.

Still Going

I know its been a while since I did a new blog. I'm still on my journey and doing good. I have made a few new life decisions along the way. First I made the decision to go back to college. Although I will be going on line I feel this is the right move to make. Have to better myself so that my boys are taken care of. Everything I do, I do with them in mind. Although they are getting older, they are my first priority above anything else. Second decision I made was to start volunteering at my local library two days a week for right now in the mornings. I'm still going to be doing my walks, going to the gym, and Zumba. Just trying to stay busy and focused on me for a change. You see, I think about everyone else before myself. I'm getting better focusing on me but I'm still a work in progress. 

  I still have my times when I'm down but I haven't went back to my unhealthy ways. When I start to think about it, I go eat a piece of fruit or go on my walks. You see walking gives me time to think and reflect and I'm glad that I decided to move this body of mine. 

Today I was feeling bad because my oldest wanted to go out. Well things financially haven't been great but I have been making sure they have all the need. Life being a single mom is hard, but I wouldn't change a thing. But I feel that both of their fathers need to step up to the plate and help take care of their boys. But regardless, they have me and I'm going to make sure they have. When they get grown and ion their own , they are going to remember that I was there for them. With that being said, I got this. Yes I'm stronger now than I was a few years ago. I have Him to thank.

I'm still going to be me and do me! Wish me luck as  I start school on Monday! I'm determined to succeed in all of my endeavors.

Taking Care of Yourself

As many of you many know, I had outpatient surgery done on Thursday. I have to tell you that I was so nervous up to that day. While I was in my room waiting to get prepped for surgery, something told me to pick up the Bible there. I read the 23rd Psalms which was my stepdad Henry favorite and the 27th Psalms the first verse. That passage stuck with me the whole time. I went back and was reading that verse over and over again. I knew then that I had nothing to worry about because of my faith in Him.

After my surgery was done and Dr. Vaughn and the nurse woke me up, I had been in recovery for thirty minutes. I didn't realize that I had a breathing complication until the nurse to,d me and she removed the breathing tube from my nose. My throat was so sore that I had tears running out of my eyes. I knew then that He was with me through it all!! I know now that He has a plan for me and he never left my side. As soon as I recover and get released from doctor care, I'm going to go back to my exercise and my Zumba. I feel bad because I can't do these things right now but taking care of myself must come first. I over did it yesterday and today I'm paying for it because I did my normal routine of housework and taking care of my boys. Today they are taking care of me. I really appreciate them both because I know they were worried about me. This is one of the times being a single parent is tough because I'm supposed to be taking care of them and they are taking care of me. I thank God for bringing me through so that I could continue to care for my boys. Chris and Marcus I love you very much.

Another Accomplishment

Yesterday I went to have my pre op appointments for my surgery which is next Thursday. I am proud to announce that I have lost eight more pounds bringing my total up to seventy pounds lost since I started this weight loss journey in January. I am so proud of myself! I know now that I can do it! I have the determination, so I know I can do it!
 It feels good to put on my clothes now and they are loose. I can do so much more know than before. I feel good knowing that I'm sticking to this journey. I have had a lot of ups and downs while on this journey, but I have not slid back into unhealthy eating habits. It also feels good to see people that I know saying that they are proud of me. Most importantly, I'm proud that I'm doing this without help. I credit my faith in God for giving me the strength to continue on this journey. I know that I didn't gain the weight all in one time so I know it will take time and work to lose it. I know I'm up to the challenge.
 I have had several people tell me that I'm an inspiration to them. When I started out, it was to work on myself physically and emotionally. Because all through my life, I have suffered from self esteem issues. I felt like I couldn't have a good relationship because of my weight. In school, I had very few friends because I felt it was because of my weight. I used to get teased all the time. In high school, I wasn't popular at all. If  girls talked to me at all it was to try and get me to convince my brother to go out with them because he was popular. For a time, school was so bad that I quit going for a time the end of my junior/senior year. I had some good people come into my life and encouraged me not to give up. One was my high school counselor Ms. Kelsaw and the woman I call my second mom Mary Lou! These ladies was there for me and encourage me to be the best I can be. I also want to thank Mr. Hoffman. Even though I didn't have a class with him, he guided me as well.  They wasn't afraid to tell me truth whether I wanted to hear it or not.
  For anyone that is struggling with your weight, please don't give up! Take it one day at a time. If you fall, just pick yourself back up because you have another day to get it right. I eat healthy everyday but I occasionally have a cheat day. But even then I watch my calorie intake. My best advice is to drink plenty of water! That is all I drink now! Last but not least, Henry I know you are smiling down on me and so proud of  me!

Accomplishment

In 11 days I will be celebrating my 42nd birthday. I am proud of all that I have accomplished in these nine months since I first started my weight loss journey in January. I am 62 pounds lighter and working hard on losing more. It is hard work  but I see the difference in my appearance. I love how now when I out on my clothes, they are loose. I like when I'm walking, I see people and they stop to tell me how proud they are and to continue the good work. I'm proud of how I've stuck with even when life has gotten in the way.
  I just want to say it has been three months since I started walking everyday. I joined the gym two months ago. It's also been two months since I started doing Zumba. I enjoy doing all the exercises not. I can't believe it's me saying it when I didn't like it at all. But I had reached my point when I would wake up in the mornings wheezing because of my asthma. My knees and legs hurting because of my arthritis.  Losing weight has also been good for my self esteem as I'm presently working on loving myself.  I have learned that you have to love yourself first. When I gain all of my confidence back, watch out world because I'm going to take it by storm.
 It also feel good when your kids are proud of you and all the hard work that you have put in. Chris and Marcus push me and motivate me everyday to be the best I can be. Plus they support and encourage me to keep pushing on. I just want to say, for anyone that is struggling with weight, just take it one day at a time. You didn't gain it all at one time, so it's going to take time to shed it.  If you fall off, just get back up and try again! When I get to where I want to be weight wise, I will still continue because I don't want to slip back into my unhealthy habit.

One Month of Gym and Zumba

With everything that has been going on lately, I forgot to write that yesterday marked one month since I started going to the gym and doing Zumba! I'm so glad that I added both of these exercises to my weight loss journey. Since doing my daily walk, gym and Zumba I am seeing the results of my hard work. My clothes are getting loose. Monday I was doing Zumba, I kept having to pull my clothes up because they was falling down!! I'm trying to hold off on buying new clothes until I reach the weight that I'm most comfortable with. With every pound lost, I'm learning to love myself more. Believe me when I said getting to this point has been hard. I have learned that doing my exercise sessions and my walking, that I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I needed to learn to love myself first. If I can't love myself, then how can I expect for love to find me?
  Going on this weight loss journey has opened my eyes to a lot of changes that are going on within myself. I'm hoping by my birthday next month, that I will have lost more weight. I know turning 42 is going to be fabulous!! I just wanted to let everyone know how much I appreciate all the support and kind words as I have been going through my journey. It means a lot to me. More that you all will ever know. I know I can accomplish this journey.
   I just wanted to ask you all to say a prayer for me also. Next month the day after my birthday I have to have surgery. When I went to the gynecologist on the 1st, she found a Cyst near my cervix. Since I got this news, I have been very worried. This is my first time for having any type of surgery and to say that I'm nervous is an understatement. I'm praying everyday and keeping the faith. I haven't slipped back into my unhealthy eating habits even though I was tempted. So that in itself is another accomplishment for me. I'm just going to keep on walking, exercising, and Zumba!! Happy Anniversary to me!!
 

Two Months of Walking

Saturday marked two months since I started walking the weight off. Marcus and I walk everyday weather permitting!! I love walking. I never thought I would be saying that but it's true. I have a good days and bad days when I walk because of my knees but I push through and get it done. I just have to thank my friend Jackie for starting me on my walking journey because had it not been for her coming down on that one Saturday walking with me, I still would have put it off. Now I can't wait to walk everyday. I normally go in the evenings since it's cooler. Someday I have went on my walks twice in one day. Walking has helped me physically and mentally. It has also helped me bond more with my youngest Marcus. We have little talks where I have learned so much about how he feels about certain things. Today we was talking about how cute he was as a baby and he tell me now I'm fat and ugly. I said no Marcus you are a handsome young man and I love you very much. I also tell him that we are walking our weight off and you will get there. It takes time. Look at me I tells him and look at what I accomplished with you walking with me and your oldest brother motivating me. It hurt me when he told me that he was fat and ugly because for so long in my life especially since becoming an adult that I felt exactly like he does now. By me being on this journey, I am learning to love myself and hopefully he will too. I can only imagine what he went through at school with others in his class teasing him. I went through the same. It took time but now I'm stronger for it. Doing this blog and posting on FaceBook is keeping me focused plus I'm finding out things about myself that I hadn't looked to examine in my life before now. Just one example of this is that I always used to think that the reason I couldn't keep and stay in a relationship with a man was because of my weight. Now I have learned that I wasn't what they needed in their life. I now know that I'm worthy of so much more than the cheating and being used. Hopefully as my boys get older, they will know how to treat a lady.
   I'm going to end this blog by saying that I know that my hero my stepdad Henry is smiling down knowing that I am losing weight. I know he's proud of me and I can feel his presence around me. I'm proud of myself.

First Weight Loss Goal Accomplished

I went to the doctor on yesterday 8/1. I was nervous and a little worried about getting my annual female checkup.  I was at my appointment early and within ten minutes I was being seen. I was nervous when I got on the scale. When I saw how much more weight I had lost, I was so excited!! So glad I made my choice at the beginning of the year to get healthy. I have lost 26 more pounds bringing my total weight loss to 62 lbs. I have accomplished my first goal that I set for myself. I wanted to lose 50 lbs by my birthday in September. I did that plus lost more!! I am so proud of myself for doing this.  For me sticking to my journey is an accomplishment also. I have had a few storms come in recently but I didn't slip back into eating unhealthy. That is also an accomplishment for me. Now I'm read to continue on to my next goal of losing 50 lbs by January. I know I can do it and I will succeed!! My sons Chris and Marcus have been supporting me every step of the way! I know they are proud of their momma!!  I'm on this journey for me as well as them!! As my cousin told me tonight Stella is getting her groove back!!  Yes I am buy getting healthy and maintaining the loss. Turning 42 is going to be my new 22! Now only if the boys were grown lol! I'm holding off on buying new things until I reach the goal that I'm happy with!! Thank you all for supporting me!! It means a lot!!

Two Weeks At the Gym

This past Friday marked two weeks since I joined the gym. I am loving it so far. I also go to the Zumba class that is offered two days a week on Mondays and Wednesdays. I am enjoying that as well! Finding myself getting used to going to both as a part of my losing weight and getting fit. I look forward to going to both activities in addition to my walks everyday. I'm trying not to let the exercise bike  get the best of me. As of Friday I did 4 miles in 18 minutes.  To me and my body shape that is an accomplishment. Trying so hard to shed these pounds so I can get back into the work force. I know I didn't gain it all at once, so I know losing it is going to take time. I feel like I'm letting my kids down because I'm not financially stable. Like last week I had to tell them that I couldn't afford to go school shopping for them this year because of bills having to be paid. I haven't turned to food to comfort me while I'm going through this little bump in the road. Instead I go walking and exercise to keep my mind occupied.  I know He is to make a way so I try not to worry and stress about things. Everyday is a struggle and I'm taking it step by step day by day. Just know that I'm not giving up! I am going to shed these pounds and make a better life for me and my boys. I have to thank my oldest son Chris because he makes sure I go to the gym everyday. Marcus is my walking partner and he makes sure that I walk everyday. He may not go all the time but he goes every time I go. I just want to again thank my supporters and my friends and family. Just knowing that you all are in my corner makes me smile. I have been told by so many that I have inspired them. I'm glad that my journey is helping. This coming from me a person that was teased constantly through school. Talked about and put down so many times. But I'm still standing. Keeping my eyes on the prize and that is to better my health. Like I told my boys, turning 42 in September is going to be my new 22!

Compliments and Inspiration

It makes my heart feel glad when I go on my walks and I see people. They either wave or stop to tell me what a good job that I'm doing. When I started on this weight loss journey, it was to get healthier so that my overall health could improve. Also to be around to watch my two boys grow up. I started this blog to help me keep focused and motivated.
   Today I was having a rough day. I was sore from Zumba and from my exercise and walk yesterday. Marcus and I walked to the library and to the store. While I was in the store, I had two people to come up to me and tell me how proud they was. This definitely brighten my day!! Even through my posts on Facebook and here on my blog, I have people telling me how proud they are of me!! But you know what makes me happy when my boys tell me how proud of me they are. That is the greatest feeling in the world!! Yesterday I was dragging my feet about going to the gym because I was sore from the bike on Monday. My oldest Chris said mom I know you're going to the gym. I said yes I am!! I thank him yesterday for motivating me because for a moment I was thinking about quitting. But then I said no I'm not!! Because I got my eyes on the prize and that is my overall health.  In time, the gym is going to be my friend. I thought I wasn't doing enough, but I was close to overdoing it.  So my lesson was to take my time and I will get the results I'm striving for!! I didn't gain the weight all at one time, so losing the weight is going to take time.  I really enjoyed Zumba and the gym!! I'm going to find the balance between my walking, Zumba, and the gym. I like how I'm losing my weight the natural way. Before at various times,I tried all kinds of diets. I would lose the weight but gain it back plus more! I'm determined to lose it and keep it off!! I know I'm doing at good job because my doctor sent me my labs results and on the results she wrote keep up the awesome job!! That really made me smile!! I just want to tell all my friends and supporters thanks for believing in me!! I now know that I can achieve my goals. If my blog is helping or inspiring someone then that makes me happy too! One day when I reach my goal, I believe I'm going to go back through all these post and maybe write a book. #TeamWalkingTheWeightOff is my slogan.

Have You Ever Felt Like You're On The Outside Looking In

The reason I chose this title is because today that's the way I'm feeling. I'm writing this down so that I don't go back to my unhealthy ways. I have been feeling this way my whole life. Like where do I fit in or am I just destined to feel this way? I know that I'm always smiling but some days I feel down and I try not to let it show.  I feel great that I'm finally doing something for me to better my health. For so long I have always put others before myself. Time and time again I have done this. But I always move on because I know I'm going to be blessed. What hurts me to my heart is when that one person whether family or friend treats you like you are nothing and just straight out looks down on you. This has happened to me and to my regret I feel that my youngest is suffering because of it.  Today he got called out of his name. That hurt me to my heart because I treat this person child like mine. I don't know why this person doesn't like or just plain looks down on me and mine. There have been plenty of times that when I was working and I got off early I would wait so that they could have a way home. But now I'm not good enough to even ride in this person's car. I don't know if its because I'm not working and I'm drawing disability or what. People that know me know that I would rather be working because living month to month off one check and have to provide for two boys is hard but I'm doing it. I'm not sure if its because after one year of college I moved away to live with my aunt so that I could better myself or what. When I was living here after high school I didn't have a license and had to catch people just to get to college everyday. So my aunt offered me a chance to move and get a job. Which I took.  So I don't know what it is but I'm tired of my child suffering for it because of me. But I'm not going to let that stop me from eating healthy and losing my weight. I may be down right now struggling but trust and believe I'm going to make it. This is all about making me and mine happy. Their happiness and mine is all that matters. I have to say I admire the relationship between my mom and my aunt. They support each other and they are there for each other.  Even when they are apart they call and text each other. I have sisters and they are paired off like my mom and aunt. I'm the lone sister.  To have a relationship like that would be awesome. I guess because I'm the oldest. But in spite of this not going backwards. #TeamWalkingtheweightoff is going to be a success!!

In my Feelings

Today I went to the gym and used the stationary bike for the first time!! I was proud of myself being that  I hadn't been on any type of bike since childhood!! I also worked out on the various machines. I can see why some people like to exercise. It's like an high. I think I would have pushed myself way passed my limit if one of the staff hadn't came back and checked on me. I so wanted to keep pressing on.
   Life to me is like getting on that bike for the first time and exercising for the first time. You have your highs and lows that comes along with it. Tonight someone made me feel like I wasn't good enough. In actuality, this person has always made me feel like that. No matter how nice I am to this person, I feel like  this person just  looks down their nose at me. You know I was so tempted to go back to food to comfort my hurt feelings, but you know what I DIDN'T!! I am so proud of myself for resisting the temptation!! Tomorrow I'm going to the gym and work  that temptation out. You see I am addicted to food and everyday is a struggle just to eat for nutrition.  By the way, I did two miles on that bike!! I was determined that I wasn't going to let that bike get the best of me. It took me 15 minutes to pedal those two miles, but it's an accomplishment that I'm proud of!! Just like I'm proud of the way I have stuck to walking everyday and eating healthy. This blog is my way of expressing my feelings and my thoughts. It's helping me to cope with my changing body and my life.  I'm doing this for me and my boys. Because I know that I am all that they have. They need me around to watch them grow up, be successful, if they decide to marry or make me a grandma. I have a ways to go before all that happens lol.
   I guess what I'm trying to say is that one day I will look this person in the eye and tell them that I am good enough!! Because I am!! But right now, I'm working on my health and my body!!

One Month Down

Was just sitting here thinking that Saturday marked one month that I started walking everyday. Who would have thought that I would be doing this everyday? Certainly not me!! Lol!! Hard work is paying off and now I am starting to see what others are seeing. I have learn so much by walking everyday. My youngest son Marcus and I have grown closer. We have talks everyday and he's starting to open up about his feeling more. I am more proud of him for sticking to the walking also. I think now he is starting to see the difference in himself and he's proud!! That makes me one happy momma!!
   Life has certainly thrown me some curves over the past few years. I used to handle it by eating food. Now I'm handling it by walking everyday. I have been telling my family that I want a beach body but really I just want to be healthy. If I can accomplish that, I will be happy and proud of my self. One because I'm doing something to please me and not others like I have been trying to do my whole life.
  I will be turning 42 in September but I'm going to call it my new 22!! Hopefully I will be able to schedule me a getaway to celebrate one meeting first weight loss goal and two just celebrating being happy with all I have accomplished thus far. I know everything happens for a reason, you just have to learn to dust yourself off and move on. One day in the near future, I may enter the dating scene again. I know one thing for sure , it had really changed. Until then, working on me is my priority.
  I think I'm going to get Marcus and I a shirt made with my slogan I use everyday which is #TeamWalkingTheWeightOff.
    For anyone that's struggling with weight issues. Don't give up!! Take it one day at a time!! I even shocked my doctor with how much weight I had lost!! She was surprised because I have a moderate case of sleep Alpena. I don't use the machine which she said if I had that I would even lose more weight and get my proper amount of sleep at night which I don't get now. But since I have been walking and doing my squats, I have been getting sleepy. If you fall off the wagon, just dust yourself off and remember tomorrow is another day to try again.
   I hope that anyone that reads my blog is enjoying it. I'm open to suggestions on how to make it better. But me doing this blog is keeping me focus.

A big difference

I am just sitting here thinking about all the changes that I have made to be fit and healthy. When I started my weight loss journey, I was just striving to be healthier.  Never did I imagine that people would be inspired by what I am doing. I was in awe and it humbled me so much. This is coming from a woman that has struggled with weight issues since I was a little girl. I have never been skinny and have just been fluffy.
   I was raised not to waste food and to eat everything that is on your plate. Of course that what I did. I have to admit that I love to eat food. I remember my grandmother home cooking every night. It was simply amazing. As I got older, food became my best friend. I now realize that it was hurting me in the long run. Over the years, I have tried every diet to the point of starving myself.  I would lose a few pounds and then a life event would happen and I would gain it back plus more.
  Now I can truly see the difference in how much weight I have lost. When my son Marcus took my picture on Sunday when we reached our walking destination,  I thought nothing of it. But I looked at the pictures I had in my phone, I really could finally all my hard work is paying off. I'm eating right, walking everyday, and now I am joining the gym up the street from my house. I'm going to continue on my journey until I reach where I feel comfortable with my weight. I am finally learning to love myself and that in itself is a great feeling. I am finally doing something for me and it's making me happy.

Week five of walking

Today marks five weeks that I started walking everyday!! I am proud to say that my son Marcus and I only missed one day of not walking. That reason was because of Mother Nature. But I found another way to get my exercise in that day. We celebrated this day by walking to Family Dollar and back. We had a hill to walk back up and we did it!! I felt the burn and it was great!! I was carrying three bags so I know it was a great walk for me!! Who would have thought that I would be walking everyday to get healthy? Certainly not me!! Once I started, I just can't stop wanting to take my walks! It gives me time to reflect and also get out of the house.
    I'm so happy that I made the choice to get healthy. So that I can be around longer and so my body can feel better. I have my struggles like my knees bother me a lot but I keep pushing on!! The old Jennifer would have quit!! I'm loving the new Jennifer!! I'm the same person on the inside just changing the way I look on the outside. Learning to love me each and everyday!! Self love is so wonderful.
  I just want to thank you all for taking the time to read my blog!! This is helping me with my weight loss and to keep me focus. A friend told me that I should write a book about my journey. I'm seriously thinking about once I reach my goal where I want to be. Believing in myself has also helped me!! I'm not giving up!! I have come to far now in my journey.

Almost to my first goal

Just got back from the doctor for my checkup!! Got a good report overall.  I just wanted to announce that I have lost 11 more pounds bringing my total to 48 lbs total that I have lost!! I'm so proud of myself!! Who would have thought that is would be on the journey to lose weight? I'm not going to stop!! I'm doing this without the help of pills or surgery. Feeling good about my self is a wonderful feeling!! I know I have a ways to go but I know with time, I will succeed!! All these years of being overweight is slowly coming to an end!! I just want to thank all of my supporters. Because you all believed in me!! I believe in myself!! So to all that has been struggling with weight loss please don't give up!! I'm not giving up!! Henry I know you're in Heaven smiling down on me because I'm finally doing something for me.

Noticing the Loss

Feeling proud of myself!! You know it's amazing to me but I'm starting to notice my weight loss so far. I'm proud of myself  for sticking to my walking and eating healthier. It feels good to put on my clothes and they are loose. What a feeling it is!!  It nice to see people that know me seeing me walk everyday saying keep up the good work!!  When I finish working on my health, I'm going to start working on getting myself back to driving my car and fixing it up. It's hard depending on people to do stuff or take you places.  Once I would have let this get me down and turn to food but not this chick.  Another thing once I get my health where I want to be, I'm going to try and go back to work because living month to month off of a check is not cutting it. For anyone that knows me, I have always worked. Even though I paid money I order to receive what I get, it's tough. But I'm making the most of it.  I'm glad that I'm able to be with my boys and watch them grow up because when I was working, I was missing out on activities with them. All this is to say that I am focused on my goals. Through my experience, I have truly found out who my true family and friends are. When I was out driving and working, it wasn't nothing I wouldn't do if it was in my power. But life goes on and I'm learning to be a stronger woman because of it. #TeamWalkingTheWeightOff

Self-esteem

Today when I was taking my daily walk, I use the time to reflect and think about things.  I have come along ways since I started my weight loss journey in January. I'm glad that I decided to work on physically so that I can be healthy.
  For a long time I can now admit, I was addicted to food. It helped me when I was sad, happy, mad, depressed or whatever emotion that was going on.  It was a cure all for all my problems. But now I know it was also bad for my health.
    I feel that the addiction came from me having low self esteem. It took me a long time to admit this to myself. I felt like that I had to fit in to have friends all through out school and when I was out in the work force too. I felt like I was beautiful enough. I felt like I had to buy my friends just to fit in. Now I know that was wrong. A TRUE FRIEND will be there regardless and they won't talk about you behind your back. I learn this lesson the hard way.
    For many that don't know, I was in a relationship that wasn't healthy for me. But at the time I thought it was love. But it wasn't but you know having low self-esteem , I thought I couldn't get a man that truly loved me. I have been in relationships that I thought was loving, but they wasn't. These men in their own way used me by saying that they loved me but in actuality, I was the other woman. But me being the kind hearted woman that I am fell in love with these men. Oh I was hurt when I found out, but I have forgiven and let go. But you know I figured out that I wasn't what they needed. I have two boys that hopefully when they grow up will know how to treat a woman.
   Now I am in a better place. I am working on me!! I am learning to love myself. If you don't love yourself, how can some else love you? I am working on my health. To date, I have lost 37 pounds!! I'm proud of what I am accomplishing!! If anyone had told me that I would be exercising, I would have said what? But walking is helping me lose the weight one pound at a time. Now if I get upset, I walk it out!! No longer do I turn to food to comfort me!!  I'm proud of all the steps that I have taken thus far!! If my blog helps one person, then I have accomplished my goal!! Now as for the relationship part, I'm waiting on God to send me the man He wants me to be with. I'm a work in progress!!

Happy Birthday Marcus

Today is my youngest Marcus Birthday!! He is turning the big 12 today!! Where has time gone? I remember  passing out on the sidewalk on my way to to work inside of Walmart. That had never happened to me before. I went in to work and told the Csm what happened. I still got on a register and it was an express one. I took a customer that had over twenty items. She was so grateful that she gave me a customer compliment  and wanted to speak to a manager. She spoke to the Csm and the manager.  The Csm had told the store manager what had happened before I came in to work. He took me off the register  and told me to go home and get well. He was impressed that I came in and still gave great customer service.
   I went home and scheduled an appointment at the clinic. To my surprise, I found out I was pregnant  with my second child. I was happy and scared at the same time.  On June 26, 2002 I had Marcus. Since then he has brought me so much joy. He has been through a lot  but I'm proud of the young man he is becoming. We are both walking to get fit and healthy. I even introduced him to eating turkey bacon which he loves now.

Happy Birthday Marcus!! You are going to have a great one!! Momma loves you!! We will be celebrating by walking later!!

Yesterday's Walk

I went on my daily walk with my youngest son Marcus. Going on these walks together, we have time to talk just us two. Well we was talking about this past school year and he informs me that he didn't have a lot of friends this year. I asked him why and he gave me a list of reasons why. All of the reasons he told me hurt me to my heart. But the two that hurt me the most was that he said some of his fellow classmates called him fat and that he was ugly.
   This hurt me to my heart but I smiled and told him that he was not ugly and that I love him very much. I told him that's why we are walking so that you and I will be healthy and fit. This brought back a lot of memories for me because I went through the same situation that he's having to endure. I was called fat. People made fun of me at school. They started rumors about me in high school saying I was pregnant and other hurtful things. My last two years of high school was a living hell for me because of it all. I had seriously thought about dropping out of school because of what was going on. If it wasn't for a few people that came into my life. I would have dropped out.  In fact, I didn't go to school for almost a month.
  Today I just felt like crying because of what my son had told me. I was strong and didn't relapse into the comfort of eating food. I have to admit that I was addicted to food. Food didn't let me down. It comfort me and I felt so much better. I now know that it was wrong for my health and this is why I'm changing and working on me.
  Parents please talk to your children. Because had I not talked to my son today, I wouldn't have known how he was feeling inside. It hurt me to my heart that he went to school everyday to other children teasing him about his apprearance. Tears are rolling down my face as I'm typing this blog. To my son Marcus. I love you so very much!! You are a handsome young man on the inside and out. As long as you have me, you will be well loved. Together  we are going to be fit and healthy. The same classmates that called you fat and ugly are going to look at the new you and want to be your friend. Be forgiving because you have a kind heart.
   My message is: Parents please talk to your children. My theme song for this journey is Beautiful by Indie Arie.

Walking the Weight Off

Today marks three weeks since I started walking. If it had not been for my friend Jackie coming down, I would have been still just walking around in my yard.
  Once I got started, it was hard and I was out of breath alot. I didn't realize how out shape I was until I started walking. I walk everyday now.  Sometimes I walk during the mornings. But most of the time, I walk in the evenings when its cool. My youngest son Marcus walks with me everyday. He only missed one day because he took a nap early. But my other friend Tanya came by and she walked with me. My niece Tamiyah sometimes walks with me too.
  I'm proud of myself for sticking with the walking everyday. I missed one day which was yesterday because we had a storm. I was sad but I did some walking in place and some silly dancing which my son was laughing at me. But it was all good because I was getting it in lol!! This is my time to work on myself and my health.

The Reason I Started My Weight Loss Journey

In November of 2013, I went to the doctor and found out that I had gained backed some of the weight that I had lost in 2012. I decided then that I was going to lose weight at the beginning of the year.
  January 2014, I started this journey.  I cut back on all my sweets. I stopped drinking sodas, and I cut out all bread. I started eating healthier.  What I have done so far is switched over from eating beef to eating only ground turkey and chicken.  I am also eating more veggies and fruit. The biggest accomplishment for me is drinking water. That is all I am drinking now.
  When I went back to the doctor, I found out that I had lost 20 lbs. That was a shock to me!! I was excited and proud of myself.  In November of 2013, I was weighing 428.  In February, I was down to 408.  Now I am at 393. I am so proud of all the weight I have lost so far.
  Tomorrow will be three weeks since I have started walking. Each day I walk, I feel better. I am determined to lose the weight and keep it off. I want to be around for my boys. Also to be healthier for myself.