Have You Ever Felt Like You're On The Outside Looking In

The reason I chose this title is because today that's the way I'm feeling. I'm writing this down so that I don't go back to my unhealthy ways. I have been feeling this way my whole life. Like where do I fit in or am I just destined to feel this way? I know that I'm always smiling but some days I feel down and I try not to let it show.  I feel great that I'm finally doing something for me to better my health. For so long I have always put others before myself. Time and time again I have done this. But I always move on because I know I'm going to be blessed. What hurts me to my heart is when that one person whether family or friend treats you like you are nothing and just straight out looks down on you. This has happened to me and to my regret I feel that my youngest is suffering because of it.  Today he got called out of his name. That hurt me to my heart because I treat this person child like mine. I don't know why this person doesn't like or just plain looks down on me and mine. There have been plenty of times that when I was working and I got off early I would wait so that they could have a way home. But now I'm not good enough to even ride in this person's car. I don't know if its because I'm not working and I'm drawing disability or what. People that know me know that I would rather be working because living month to month off one check and have to provide for two boys is hard but I'm doing it. I'm not sure if its because after one year of college I moved away to live with my aunt so that I could better myself or what. When I was living here after high school I didn't have a license and had to catch people just to get to college everyday. So my aunt offered me a chance to move and get a job. Which I took.  So I don't know what it is but I'm tired of my child suffering for it because of me. But I'm not going to let that stop me from eating healthy and losing my weight. I may be down right now struggling but trust and believe I'm going to make it. This is all about making me and mine happy. Their happiness and mine is all that matters. I have to say I admire the relationship between my mom and my aunt. They support each other and they are there for each other.  Even when they are apart they call and text each other. I have sisters and they are paired off like my mom and aunt. I'm the lone sister.  To have a relationship like that would be awesome. I guess because I'm the oldest. But in spite of this not going backwards. #TeamWalkingtheweightoff is going to be a success!!