I am finally learning that once you do for others, they don't extend the same courtesy. Once you say no when they ask you to do something for them, they get mad or don't speak to you. Maybe they act like they are better than you. No one can ever say that I was not there for them when I could be. Whether it was lending money, buying something, or just being there, I was there. I asked for nothing in return. I let everyone know I was there for them because that was the way I was raised by my grandparents.
It hurts my heart to hear people say that I have a favorite out of my boys. Even my oldest feels this way and it hurts my heart so bad. I do all I can for both of my boys and to hear that made my heart break. Yes I do spend more quality time with my youngest Marcus because he's going through the same self esteem issues that I went through when I was in school. He doesn't have a whole lot of friends and sometimes he feels left out. My oldest I don't worry about because he's outgoing and has plenty of friends and family that loves him. Sometimes my youngest feels like members of his family don't love him and I feel for him because I can relate. He is my walking partner and when we walk we talk about school and his feelings about things. I feel bad that I can't do certain things for them both because I can no longer work. When I had my car and my job, that's I felt is when people wanted to be around me. Now that I have neither, it's like I don't exist for certain people unless they want me to do something for them.
I am going to just pray hard on it because right now it's making feel like I have hatred in my heart and that's not the person that I am. It's also trying to make me bitter which I'm not trying to be. I'm still going to continue my journey and make the most of it. I will rise and shine again. I just want to thank everyone that has been in my corner. Love you all. Thanks for reading my blog.
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